“I sent her to all the best schools.”
I hear comments like these from well intentioned mothers who have made careful decisions about the people who help shape their daughter’s life.
They take them to the best therapists, send them to affluent summer camps and prestigious private schools.
Their daughters will have rich and hopefully diverse experiences and conversations with people outside of their family.
And mothers feel a sense of safety having these adults in their daughter’s lives.
The problem lies within the expectation that we may have that our daughters will get everything they need from these rich experiences and professionals.
But here is the truth: PROFESSIONALS ARE NOT GOING TO RAISE YOUR DAUGHTER.
-They can’t teach her your family values.
-They aren’t going to be by your daughter’s side for every stage of her life.
-They aren’t right downstairs when she’s alone with dark thoughts in her bedroom.
-They’re not a phone call away when she’s pressured with drinking, drugs or sex at a party.
-They aren’t going to right your wrongs for you.
How could they possibly? They only see her a few hours each week during a specific stage of her life.
I sometimes make this mistake as well - expecting too much from the professionals in my daughter’s life.
I’ve been feeling safe and trusted my daughter’s school to do all the “right” things that align with my values.
Then something happened recently and I felt they didn’t protect my child the same way I would.
I was reminded that there are more conversations I need to have with my daughter. I can’t expect the school to do it the way I want them to.
I will advocate for her and the other children but ultimately it’s my responsibility to teach my daughter everything I need her to know.
Thankfully I know how to do this myself or can seek out resources to help me do it.
Here’s the takeaway, Mama:
Your connection and bond with your daughter is what will save your daughter too.
Being in her corner even when something is hard to hear.
Keep an open mind so that she feels safe confiding in you about hard to handle situations. *see drinking/drugs/sex situation above*
If she remains close to you, you have the power to protect her in more situations.
Because she will turn to you for the answers, rather than her friends or even worse, struggle alone.
This is exactly what we cover inside our Mothers Group to help you have a strong relationship through the teen years and beyond. I help mothers, and they help each other, navigate the tricky situations that our girl’s throw at us with tools, strategies and on the spot advice.
Feel like you need more hand holding? I gotchu. With my private coaching packages you get my eyeballs on exactly what you need.
Always in your corner,