Updated: Jul 3
Spending time with our mother or daughter can be challenging if our relationship isn't in the right place.
If we are stuck in the cycle of feeling hurt by their actions we might feel that the only solution is to create distance.
But this doesn't really solve the problem does it? And now we have a hole in our heart.
So often the mothers and daughters I talk to about working together share their fear that the other isn't going to change.
This comes up for mothers, teen daughters and adult daughters alike.
They are hesitant to do the work because they don't have hope for change.
They've tried so much before. Therapy, reading, courses, and nothing has seemed to bring them back together.
And let me tell you, unless someone has studied the mother-daughter relationship specifically, there is A LOT they don't know.
They could be a wonderfully trained family therapist and still miss the themes that all mothers and daughters struggle with.
And if you have a teen daughter, that's an even more specialized focus.
I didn't learn about the mother-daughter relationship or the teen girls epidemic in graduate school.
In fact, one of my projects is to reach professors in counseling departments to share how desperately this information is needed in their family therapy and women's psychology courses.
So what I want to offer you today is HOPE.
That if you put in the work to make a CHANGE, it will.
LISTEN to what she is asking of you.
Allow yourself to be open and VULNERABLE.
Accept RESPONSIBILITY for the hurts you've caused.
Get trained SUPPORT for yourself to better understand why mothers and daughters have conflict and exactly what to do about it.
Sometimes this looks like making a change together or changing on your own.
Working on your relationship doesn't have to feel hopeless. There are resources and support out there for you, you just need to take that first step to learn what will help you ❤️